Who Am I?
by daintywords
Summary: What happens when Effie gets a visit from the hijacked Peeta? She's the only person who he remembers being on the good side from District 13. They talk; they both make discoveries over who they are, who is good and evil. *A short oneshot that popped into my mind. Unfortunately, these characters do not belong to me :(


Every sound makes her shudder. She doesn't trust the construction that keeps District 13 standing underground. How could she? Effie Trinket hardly trusts District 13. Their water is filled with dust particles, and it comes in plastic cups. Only toddlers drink out of plastic cups.

Effie uses the small mirror her "cell" is equipped with to tie on her grey scarf. No one can know of the bald head that hides beneath. District 13 stole her wigs.

She carefully applies the half-used lipstick on her dry lips. This is all she has left, and who knows when she'll come into contact with more. With a q-tip, she brushes on grey eye-shadow that she "borrowed" from a neighbor. Effie Trinket needs her makeup; she needs her mask.

Effie's life for the past few months has been nothing short of a pattern. She helps Katniss be the Mockingjay, irritates Plutarch, and on occasion keeps company with Haymitch. He's not so bad sober, at least once his bitterness of being dried out wore off.

However, the past few months have ended, and change has come to District 13. Peeta returned. It broke Effie's heart to watch him thrash around in his hospital bed. It broke her heart to see Katniss's heart broken. Peeta's presence makes everything in District 13 tense. He is out of the hospital sector, but no one knows when he might snap. He and Katniss aren't allowed to be alone together as a precaution for Katniss's safety, for the Mockingjay's safety. Peeta isn't allowed to be alone with anyone, really. The Capitol hijacked him to hate everybody in Distract 13, everybody except Effie Trinket.

Effie looks to her door; knocking echoes through her bare room. A sunken face stares at her through the small window. This is the moment she has been dreading ever since the captives were rescued from the Capitol. Peeta peers in, wearing an innocent baby face. Except for the bruises that are still healing, and the permanent shadows under his eyes, one would never know that Peeta went through what he did. Effie reluctantly opens the door after ensuring her headscarf is tied on tightly.

"Effie." Peeta says her name, but he doesn't acknowledge her. He walks in absentmindedly and takes a seat at her cold, metal table. He raps his knuckles against it, and hollowness fills the room.

"Would you like some water, Peeta?" Effie moves to her small sink and pours a plastic cup full. Peeta grips it, but he doesn't take a drink. His eyes are empty and his lips quiver. They're cracked and tinged with dried blood, as if he had been biting them.

"I can't remember them, Effie. At least not how they want me to remember them." He sits up straighter and slaps his two palms against the table. Anxiety clouds his eyes.

"What do you mean, Peeta?" Effie carefully places one hand over his. His is cold, boney.

"They're doing something to my mind to help me re-remember the people I hate, but it's not working. I don't know what to think, who to believe." Peeta's eyes swerve back and forth, as if he is staring at the two invisible sides that fight for the control of his mind.

"What do you want me to say?" Effie can't look at him any longer. Her eyes move to the analog clock behind his head. She watches the seconds tick by. She was never good at real conversations that required more than a fake laugh on her part.

"I want you to tell me who to believe. You're the only person I trust. I can remember you from before, your flowery scent and crazy hair, your kindness and hopefulness. You're the only real person."

Effie bites her tongue. How can she tell this broken boy that he has yet another wrong perception? She feels like anything but a real person. She takes a deep breath. "Peeta, I think you better trust the people here. Believe what they tell you to believe." It hurts her to say this, to defy her years' of thinking Capitol knows best. "I'm not a good as you think I am."

Peeta sits silently for a moment. He takes a swig from his water. He thumps his heel against the ground. "What do you mean? You're the only one here that I see in a good light."

"And that's what makes me a bad person, Peeta." It hurts to admit the truth. During all of those years of sending kids to their deaths, something felt wrong, but Effie could never pinpoint it; she never wanted to pinpoint it. "You have to reverse the sides. As hard as it is, you must reverse good and evil." Effie stands and begins pacing. Peeta's head follows her. "Peeta, you must see District 13 and Katniss as good, and you must, you must see me and the Capitol as the evil."

"Why are you telling me this?" Peeta runs a hand through his hair, more confused than ever.

"Because it's the truth. I don't want to see it. You don't want to see it. But together we must see it this way to move on in the correct direction." Tears threaten to spill from Effie's eyes. Even if this ides has graced her thoughts before, saying it suddenly made it real.

"Then that makes me evil with you and the Capitol." Peeta puts his hand on her shoulder.

"No, Peeta. You're better than both sides."

Peeta stares at her questioningly. She can see what she has told him filter through his emotions. His face twists and contorts into anger and sadness before turning to confusion. He reaches his hands out and looks at them as if he is seeing himself for the first time.

"I think I better go." Peeta turns around and marches through her door. Effie wishes he would stay, wishes they could talk more to help him, to help her, but he's already gone. Effie sits on the edge of her thin bed and cries. She cries not for her predicament in District 13, but for her past and who she was in that past, who she might still be.

Note: This was my first shot at fanfiction really. I'd love a review telling me how I did, what I could fix! Thanks for reading!


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